i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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