I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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