Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize