Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
