So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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