Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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