I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
