I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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