I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
