Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
