Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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