i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So many bounce houses so little time
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you bring me the toilet please
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
