He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
