I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's blow job season.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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