I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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