my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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