ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize