you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
this hospital has no fireball
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
