I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
