Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
