Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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