I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
