i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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