My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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