So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
