look no pants
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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