He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
