you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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