yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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