His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
