And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
