look no pants
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
