My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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