At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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