this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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