what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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