Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My pussy is not your playground.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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