Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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