Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
