New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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