I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize