New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
