So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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