Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize