You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
