We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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