Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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