When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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