he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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