Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
