if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
