I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
