took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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