No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
