we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I believe in your delicious
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
