he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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