can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
