so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
