we're blogging at a bar
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he thought i was a dude.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
