I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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