Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
