I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
