Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
