the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize