I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
