Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
