Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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