I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
