Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
