Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
