I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
