Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
