Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.

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(951): View more from California

I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

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(757): View more from Virginia

It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.

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(937): View more from Ohio

you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.

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(760): View more from California

I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.

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(537): View more from

Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.

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