Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sext me about skeletons
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
