I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
