dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
