I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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