I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
