dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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