She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
