i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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