I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
