I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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